Dan Taylor's Story

Dan Taylor’s life changed dramatically one evening in the year 2000 when he received a telephone call from the police telling him his 72-year-old father was being held in protective custody.

“My dad had suffered a stroke and was found wandering about the city,” Taylor says. “From that point, he was unable to live or drive alone, and it was suddenly my responsibility to look after him. But I didn’t really know what to do. I didn’t have a plan, and didn’t know anything about long-term care. It was like entering a foreign country.”

Over the next few days, Taylor immersed himself in the long-term care industry looking for an appropriate care facility for his father. “The whole process is much more complicated than you would think. There are so many different options, and it can be extremely expensive. On average, the cost of a long-term care facility is about $73,000 a year. But most importantly, I wanted to make sure I found a place where my dad would be treated with dignity and respect.”

Eventually, Taylor found a suitable long-term care facility for his father, but the traumatic and stressful experience opened his eyes to a big problem in our society.

“Long-term care is a huge, but often neglected issue,” Taylor says. “Most people never talk about it until it’s too late. Both parents and their kids put off having important conversations about what will happen when the parents are no longer able to look after themselves. And then suddenly something happens, and everyone is scrambling to figure it out.”

“That’s why I created The Parent Care Solution™,” Taylor says. “It is a unique process that helps parents and their children have meaningful conversations about all of the long-term care issues they may face in the future. The conversations help families plan ahead to deal effectively with long-term care, both financially and emotionally.”

Families that participate in The Parent Care Solution™ work through a series of guided conversations facilitated by a trained Parent Care Specialist™. The conversation sessions are built around a series of questions specifically designed to draw out the important concerns and issues facing the family with respect to long-term care.

“During the first session, called The Big Picture Conversation™, we help you develop a vision of the ideal situation for both the parents and the children,” Taylor says. “We ask the parent(s), ‘If you were looking forward over the next few years and thinking about your long-term care and wellbeing, what are the challenges that you can see facing you?’” We then ask them to think about the alternatives, or options that they see to meeting those challenges. Everyone has resources that they can draw upon to meet the challenges that they see ahead of them. Finally, we ask them to think about and describe the experience they would like to create for themselves and others around what happens when they successfully meet those challenges. “These questions give everyone a focus, and initiate a lot of frank and meaningful dialogue. Within a few hours, everyone is feeling much more comfortable and clear about the future. It’s very empowering.”

The C.A.R.E. Conversation Model™ allows parents to tell you their vision of how they want their future experience to be without feeling like they are losing control.

In addition to The Big Picture Conversation™, the process involves a number of other conversation sessions including:

• The Money Conversation;
• The House Conversation;
• The Property Conversation;
• The Care Conversation; and
• The Legacy Conversation.

Taylor believes these conversations are important because his experience taught him that many assumptions he had made about his father’s long-term care were proven wrong.

“I have three siblings, and I assumed they would help me with my father’s care,” Taylor says. “But that hasn’t happened. It’s turned out that I am the only one who was willing to take on this responsibility. It taught me that any assumptions you make about other family members might not become a reality. And it’s better to know that sooner rather than later.”

For example, the huge financial cost of long-term care is an issue that should be addressed ahead of time, Taylor adds. “Long-term care is very expensive. If you plan ahead, you can start saving money, or buy the appropriate longterm care insurance. You might have to decide if you want to sell your house, and divest other assets. Or you might decide to plan for bankruptcy so you can qualify for Medicaid. These strategies can help you deal effectively with the financial burden, and also expand your options.”

Although the importance of having conversations about long-term care is selfevident, many parents and their children avoid these discussions for a number of reasons. “Some people haven’t thought about this issue at all. They may not want to face the fact that they are getting older. They may believe, often erroneously, that someone will take care of them when the time comes. In addition, they may not have a close relationship with their children or they might not trust them. All of these situations may stop them from dealing with long-term care issues.”

The fear of losing control is another reason why some people don’t want to have a conversation about their long-term care, Taylor adds. “They are afraid that their family, or some expert, is going to take control of their life. But in fact the opposite is true. If you go through this process, and have these conversations, you will have much greater control of your situation when the time comes. Otherwise, you might have to settle for less-than-desirable care, under less-than-optimum circumstances.”

Having a facilitator mediate the conversations is another important feature of the program, Taylor says. “The parent care specialist has been trained to ask the right questions, and guide the family members through the discussion. You end up having multi-dimensional conversations that touch on all of the important areas.”

Taylor adds that a certified Parent Care Specialist™ has specific expertise in long-term care issues not normally possessed by consultants who typically discuss the subject. “The Parent Care Specialist has been trained to have the conversations first, and then look at the solutions second. These conversations are in-depth, and take place over a period of time. They are not part of a product presentation.”

The Parent Care Solution™ is also an excellent way to bring all of your advisors together under one plan, according to Taylor. “By having the conversations first, you develop an overall plan and determine how each of your advisers can contribute their expertise. Acting as the overall quarterback, the parent care specialist ensures that everyone is working together as a team, not as isolated individuals.”

“I wish I had had a Parent Care Specialist to work with,” Taylor says. “It would have saved me a lot of time and money. I would have been able to make better decisions. But most importantly, I would have been able to focus on my relationship with my dad. I would have been able to spend more time with him, instead of dealing with all of the details.”

Ideally, Taylor recommends you start these conversations early, perhaps when your parents are in their sixties. “The sooner you have the conversations, the better everyone will feel. All of the family members will understand their roles and responsibilities. There won’t be any unspoken issues that can undermine the unity of the family.”

“In addition, you will have a plan for each area of long-term care. You will have a financial plan in place. You will have a plan for dealing with your parent’s house and other property. You will have a plan to find the most appropriate care facility. And, all of these plans will be inter-related and designed to help you achieve your vision of the ideal situation.”

Planning how you want to be remembered is another important feature of The Parent Care Solution™,” Taylor says. “The last major session is called The Legacy Conversation™. During that session, you determine who you want to remember you, how you want to be remembered, and what contribution you want to be remembered for by your family, friends and community. For example, you might decide to leave money to a local charity or provide for your grandchildren’s education. In addition, you may want to be remembered for the effect your character, integrity, and wisdom had on the people around you.”

Taylor emphasizes that the tremendous responsibility of long-term care demands long-range planning and open communication.

“When my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer disease and dementia, I had to watch him disintegrate before my eyes,” Taylor says. “Suddenly I was the parent and he was the child. I realized I had to take care of him, but I had no Plan B. In 72 hours, I had to learn the language of nursing homes and acute care, understand all of the forms, regulations, and requirements. I also had to organize his finances and arrange for payments.”

“Ultimately, all of the responsibilities fell to me as the oldest sibling— responsibilities that I am still handling to this day. The experience required all of my emotional, intellectual, and physical resources.”

“Looking back, I wish I had been more proactive, and had had a plan in place. I would have made better decisions, and I would have saved money. So I decided to build this process to help other people avoid making the same mistakes, and deal with long-term care without being destroyed emotionally and financially.”

Taylor believes long-term care is fast becoming one of the top issues facing baby boomers and their aging parents. “Within five years, one million people will be turning 65 each year in the United States. As a nation, we will need one million nursing home beds per year for 10 years starting in 2010. At that time, there will be more than 16 million people afflicted with Alzheimer’s disease.”

“In this environment, baby boomers will have to come to grips with long-term care for their parents and for themselves. As the cost of care keeps going up, and people live longer, there is even greater danger that they will outlive their resources. And because many people are disconnected from their family and friends they won’t necessarily be able to rely on their support.”

“That’s why it is unfortunate that most people have not given the subject enough consideration. And that’s why it’s so important that people have these conversations. Otherwise, they may end up in real trouble.”

In summation, Taylor stresses the overall benefits of The Parent Care Solution™. “The process provides a total, integrated and holistic approach to a very complex, confusing, and often chaotic situation. It fosters open communication, clarity, collaboration, consistency, and caring among parents, their children, and all members of their team. It also helps you deal with your long-term care issues in a proactive and comprehensive manner. And most importantly, it gives you greater peace of mind and confidence about the future.”

For more information about The Parent Care Solution™, contact: The Parent Care Solution, LLC 3924 Cambridge Hill Lane Charlotte, NC 28270 Phone: 704-814-9965 Fax: 704-814-4722 www.ParentCareSolution.com